so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
