JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
