If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
