I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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