The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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