The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
