We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
