I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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