who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
