What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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