it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
