im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
