yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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