I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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