I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
