I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
