But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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