Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There r osticjed everywhere
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
