I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
