she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
