Yo dont text me then not text me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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