Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
ttyl tear gas
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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