Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
