I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
