i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
