I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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