Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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