i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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