i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
