I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
