New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
