no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
