I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
