She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
