Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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