I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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