awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
