what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
