dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
