he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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