i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
