You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
