i can't believe i had my finger in that
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
