Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
