I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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