it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
