How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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