best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
