There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
