This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
