Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
