it wasn't lemon gatorade
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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